Rewrite a local business's sales copy and test it with numbers

The situation

A driving school in Lahore has a Facebook page and a one-page website. The copy talks about the school: 'established in 2008, experienced instructors, best service'. Enquiries are low, and most people who message ask the same three questions the page never answers.

Rewrite the copy around the learner, answer their real objections, and test two versions with numbers instead of opinion. Use an invented business if you have no client.

What you'll be able to show

• Turn copy about the business into copy about the reader
• Write many headlines and choose one on reasons
• Answer the real objections inside the copy
• Compare Urdu and English versions, and edit with evidence

What you need

• A word processor
• A Facebook page or WhatsApp Status for a small test, or a simple survey of five people
• An invented business is fine

Tasks

1. 1Count we against you

   Take the existing copy (or write a typical version). Count the words 'we, our, us' against 'you, your'. Rewrite it so the reader is the subject and the ratio reverses.
   A correct result: Both versions with the counts before and after.

2. 2Twenty headlines

   Write twenty headlines for the driving course. Do not stop at the obvious first three. Mark your best three and say why each works.
   A correct result: Twenty headlines and three chosen with reasons.

3. 3Answer the objections

   List the three objections that stop people booking (for example fear of the road, fees, women-only instructors, timings). Answer each one directly in the copy, in the words customers actually use.
   A correct result: Three objections and the copy that answers them.

4. 4One action

   End the copy with one clear next step (for example 'Book a free 20-minute trial lesson on WhatsApp'). Remove every other call to action.
   A correct result: Copy that ends with exactly one action.

5. 5Urdu and English

   Write the same offer in English and in Urdu (or Roman Urdu if that is how customers write). Run both for a week, or show both to ten people, and record which got more enquiries or preference.
   A correct result: Both versions and the result in numbers.

6. 6Cut a third

   Cut the winning version by a third without losing meaning. Read both versions aloud to someone outside the business and note which they understood faster.
   A correct result: The long and short versions, the word counts, and the listener's reaction.

What to hand in

The before-and-after copy with counts, the twenty headlines, the objection answers, the Urdu and English test with its numbers, and the final edited copy.

How it is marked